Dear Revenge Guy,

Dear Revenge Guy,
My boyfriend and I rented this townhouse and the HOA is run by your typical older, bitter woman on a power trip.

Monday was a holiday and typically trash pick up day. I suggested to my boyfriend to put the trash out Tuesday, but I was incorrect on the make up of the trash day. We later found the trash on our doorstep, courtesy of the HOA lady.

She also follows around the neighbors that have dogs in her SUV to make sure they're cleaning up after their dogs. She will literally sit there in her car and watch them until the dog is done, and the couple has retreated their house and then start her complaining.

She also called our landlords and threatened to have us evicted because she suspected we were running a business out of our garage, (my boyfriend works in power-tools and builds us things like a TV stand, headboard, etc). We don't sell anything he makes - its just a hobby and he never runs the tools past 9 pm as per the bi-laws.

What type of revenge can I evoke that will remind this mean lady that you catch more flies with honey? I really want to tactfully call her out on her "power trip" ways and teach her to be human. However, hauling my smelly garbage is pretty self satisfactory. Any ideas?
Thanks, Texas Couple

Hi Texas Couple,
This is one nosy woman!

The best way to take care of this is:
1. Start a journal of times, dates and places that she is watching you and/or your neighbors;
2. Watch HER back... take out a camera, video her, whatever, just so she knows what’s going on, that she knows that you know… blah, blah...
3. Contact your current landlord and get a copy of the bylaws. See where this lady’s “observing you” is contrary to the right of enjoyment of the property, send her a photocopy and a note saying you’ll sue her, get her kicked out, etc.

HOA’s are usually pretty uptight about having people threatening their collective insurance costs due to legal problems and will usually force the person to sell their unit and move instead of dealing with their behavior towards others in the courts.

That is what I’d do… and maybe... just as a bonus, attach a note to her door thanking her for “cleaning up” the garbage because of the mix-up about the change in garbage days. You don’t have to sign it, it’s just another “you know that she knows” type of things.

And the next time she calls your landlord, invite him over to talk about “this problem”. I’m sure that YOUR lease says something about ”enjoyment of premises” so if you can’t sue HER you can sue HIM until the issue of your privacy is resolved.
Best wishes,
The Revenge Guy

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Dear Revenge Guy,
We have some nasty neighbors that live beside us. We have lived at the same house for over 10 years. When they moved in, 4 years ago, we told them we had planned on getting a pool and their family would be welcome to come swimming any time. They answered with "If we want to go to the pool we'll go to the country club." Need I say more about the people we're dealing with? And, the husband is a lawyer.

Right before we installed a pool, a year later, they wanted us to put it where they wanted it. They said that if we didn't they would cause as much trouble for us as possible. They said, "Just because we're neighbors doesn't mean we have to be friends."

The first day that it was open, my birthday, they called the police for noise disturbance. It was just me and my husband. How much noise could that be? Next, they filed a lawsuit saying our light was trespassing on their property. By trespassing I mean the light was touching their property. I told my husband, "Just shut off the light. They will be back." They came back. The got the homeowner's association involved. The complaint was not that we played our music too loud but, we played it too long (I would turn on music about 11am-5pm). We filed a lawsuit against the homeowner's association asking them to prove that what we were doing was wrong. Long story short, everything was dropped. My problem: The amount I had to pay my lawyer to defend my right to enjoy my property. HOW CAN I GET BACK AT THESE MONSTER NEIGHBORS?
Rachel

Dear Rachel,
In your position what I'd do is start inviting members of the HOA to a weekly swim, BBQ or other type of gathering. Heal the bad feelings that may linger while further irritating your bastard neighbors.

As well, invite your friends to have their son's/daughters birthday parties, after school swims, whatever you can to have some good times in your backyard during the day, ending before 10:00pm.

Your neighbor is a lawyer? He'll know how far you can go before you cross the rules, but he'll still try to force you to do what he wants.

As well, I'd start doing some reading of the HOA bylaws. It's very likely he's breaking some rules that he's not even aware of. Turn their home life upside down, that's what I'd do. I'd also try to get on the board of the HOA, make some changes complimentary to your lifestyle when possible and contrary to what your idiot neighbors like. When you're on the HOA, maybe you can get their particular type of car banned because of size, height, even green house gasses!
Let the noise start!!

And, I'd post a copy of the dismissed suit against you on your front window.
Keep memories alive.
Best wishes,
The Revenge Guy

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Dear Revenge Guy,
I have a situation in the laundry room in my apartment building. Twice, someone has stolen my nearly full bottle of Tide. I know, I know: fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice shame on me. It just ticks me off that I can't trust the 8 other people I live with in my apartment building. Plus, Tide is expensive! Anyway, I'm not sure who is stealing my Tide, but I have my suspicions. Still, I don't know for sure.

Both times the Tide has been stolen, it was when I left the soap in the laundry room while the machine was washing my clothes. It seems like the culprit listens to see if the washing machine is running and then goes and checks to see if any soap has been left in the laundry room.

I need your advice. I bought a small bottle of Tide and filled it half with bleach. I was planning to leave the bottle in the laundry room and let it get stolen again, so that when the thief used the doctored soap to wash clothes, the clothes would get bleached. However, the soap and bleach reacted when I mixed them together, and it just made a bubbly mess. I thought about mixing dye with bleach, but I don't want to ruin the washing machine and/or other people's clothes in the apartment.

Here's where you come in. Any advice?
Thanks,
Zeke

Dear Zeke,
There is a powered solution that you can mix with powder Tide and get the creep that steals your soap.

Pretty well any other powered cleaner will do, just to mix together but my suggestion would be to mix the laundry soap with a powered food, like instant potato flakes.

They’ll make a hell of a mess but easily be cleaned in the washer by just running it through another cycle.

The clothes, however, will be ruined.
Best wishes,
The Revenge Guy

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Dear Revenge Guy
I have a neighbor who copies Everything I Do.

I love to garden and now her house looks just like mine, she sees I have something new she will drive and drive till she can find it. And to top that off she is so rude to me and my family she is 50 or older woman who does not work and I'm in my 30's stay at home mom.

When I'm out gardening I can feel her watching me though her window or at night I'm outside watering she is sitting on her bench outside watching me in the dark she has a family and she has them believing that I am coping her and doing all this freaky stuff.

She even went as far as getting the same exact dog as us we have, she is so frustrating! In time I wish I could just move but of course this is not an option What do I do to get revenge on this women so her family can really see what she is like?
Thanks for your help!

Hi,
I once saw this exact same thing in a “Dear Abby” column.
Dear Abby said that her copying you is a form of flattery. She obviously has no self-esteem, cannot make decisions on her own, and she likes your sense of style.
It is flattery, after all. Creepy, but a compliment.

And I’m sure her family has a great idea as to the type of person she is.

As for revenge, if you still have “neighborly chats” with this woman what I’d do is chat it up with her about changes you’re going to make, inside and outside your home. Mislead her as to the changes you’re planning. Re-enforce your chats with having trades people come by, kitchen renovators, garden centers, all kinds of trades.

Maybe talk about putting a pond in the backyard. That’s major maintenance, let her get one first.

Re-paving or otherwise redoing your driveways and walkways. Major work and expense. Let her think you’re doing it and maybe she’ll do it first. Go to your local garden store and pick up about a dozen stone blocks to try out on your driveway.

I hope my suggestions help!
Best wishes,
The Revenge Guy

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Dear Revenge Guy,
I have a big problem with my neighbors who live across the street from me. I live in a suburb of Houston, Texas. I live on a street of only 13 homes on 1 acre sites. I moved here 3 years ago. It was peaceful and the neighbors are all nice. But last year a non-english speaking family with 3 children moved in.

They do not fit in on our street at all. You can't talk to them because they only know spanish. All the neighbors including my self can not understand how they can afford a $260,000.00 house we think they are illegal!

The problem is they play Latino music loud all the time, they have low riding thugs come over and they stare and my daughters and everything we have. So we spent $3000.00 on a privacy fence to block their view, which I had not planned on doing!

Their son I'm guessing is around 13 yrs old drives a loud four wheeler all the time! I can't even stand to go out and do my yard work or just enjoy time outside. My husband and I planned on staying here we have done so many improvements I hate to have them run me out! I want to run them out!! Can you give me Ideas on how to make their life here as miserable as they have made mine.
Thanks, House in Houston

Dear Fed Up,
I think you need to talk to the police. Just go into the local station and have a talk with them.

And then the next stop is your local city hall and find out about bylaws for traffic, privacy and land use.

You can't choose your neighbors, like you can your friends, but you can make sure they play by the local rules/laws.

And for the hell of it, get a loud stereo and play some Tom Jones outside while you garden.

Best wishes,
The Revenge Guy

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Hello Revenge Guy,
I would like some help with creating some "instant karma" for my inconsiderate neighbors.

We live on a lake and have been in our home for over a decade. Our neighbors have always been civil and we have had an okay relationship with them.

About 18 months ago, they came to us with an idea about putting a garage on the lot line, towards the lake, we said that we did not like that idea for many reasons including: losing morning sun, drainage issues, snow buildup issues, an echo at our house (as our patio where we entertain is right there) and on and on... Essentially, we would have a big wall where a big open area used to be.

At that time they said they would "take it into consideration". They have decided to go ahead with the project now and have never talked to us about it again. (actually they have pretty much ignored us). They only come out on weekends, and are turning a nice, lake setting into a lot with 10 pounds of sh-t packed onto a 5 pound lot, they're just weekend warriors. I would like to know what your thoughts are on showing them my dissatisfaction for years to come.
any ideas?

Hi,
There are always building codes and local bylaws to govern the construction of any permanent building that has walls and a roof. Do some research into this, you may have a legal answer to your revenge request.

Get them harassed by the building inspectors, get a new survey done of your land so you know exactly where the boundary is and make sure they don't build too close to the property line (there are usually bylaws against building within 10 feet of the property line, or some distance close to ten feet). That would be first.

Second would be talking to a lawyer about the "loss of enjoyment" you are suffering, there may be a legal civil suit there somewhere.

Thirdly I'd plant a whole lot of fruit trees along your mutual border.
They take away your view, you harass them year after year with leaves and over-ripe fruit falling on their side.

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Dear Revenge Guy,
Me and my wife recently moved in to a new house we have a 5yr old child. Now our neighbors have been sending their child over to our house,  that's usually fine but they send her over for 3-5 hours a day!

This is as soon as I come home from work which makes it that much more frustrating. The child doesn't listen to a word we say and is always fighting with our son, then on top of that we've went over and talked to her parents about this they tell us to tell her to behave and that they won't let her stay as long anymore.

At first they did then they started "we'll pick her up in an hour", 1 hour goes by they're not there to pick her up, 2 then 3 then 4 then 5 then 6 hours later they come back, and where have they been? At the movies then they went to dinner, no call to us, no nothing!

What I find to be even more frustrating of all is that they never once invite my son over to play at their house.

Now a month later nothing has changed, she is still in our house 3-5 hours a day misbehaving, touching stuff she shouldn't be touching, slamming doors, yelling at and hitting our son now! At time she's a very sensitive girl so its hard to ask her to leave without hurting her feelings. How do we send the message to her parents that were not a daycare?
Please help us R.G
M in OH

Dear M in OH,
Quite simply I’d post a sign on your front door that says “Sorry, no play dates today, we are sick in this house.”
Should the child just walk into your home, hand her the note and send her on her way.

Some people just take advantage and this has to stop or you’ll be supporting them through high school with free daycare.
The note option should hold them off and when you get a good chance to talk with them, do so. Explain that “play dates” and “babysitting” are two different things.

Play dates are agreed by both families for convenient times;
Babysitting is not anything you are willing to do but you can certainly recommend some for them.

Should you be stuck again with the child, have a sit down with her and tell her the rules of being in your home.
Go so far as giving her time outs, sitting in the corner on a chair, when she misbehaves.

Call her parents immediately telling them what is going on.

And, to protect yourself, start a journal of when you have had the child in your home and the parents have been unreachable.
Document all times and dates that you have had the child in your house. Add the instances of misbehavior of the child and the corrective measures you took towards her.

I can see this spilling into nasty words between you and this inconsiderate couple. But I don’t see losing them as friends much of a loss.